Spring Training -- Wax on, Wax off

Okay. So, where have I been. Career-ending injury? Call up to the bigs to be the next 40 year old rookie? Hahah. Yeah, right. For the last 5 weeks of the season, I needed to work -- i.e., going to the airport to pickup and return guests who have visited us at our culinary vacation hotel, La Villa Bonita (www.lavillabonita.com). We play on Sundays and that is also our dedicated airport day. Although I have been trying to break them of this habit, my kids are pretty accustomed to this funny ritual of eating on a regular basis so working is not optional. The Piratas took a nose dive over those last few weeks of the season and we didn't make the playoffs. I took advantage of the time off to go back to spring training and get in shape.

My wife, Ana, is an up-and-coming culinary personality (see http://tinyurl.com/chefanawarnerbros). She wanted to get back on a regular workout schedule so she hired a trainer from Cuernavaca to come to La Villa Bonita. This trainer has a nickname among his faithful clientele: "Pinche Jaime." Jaime is his real name, but "Pinche" is not. The closest translation in English would be "Goddamn Jaime" because he is very reliable, almost never cancels a date, and arrives on time. There is no avoiding your workout so many of his clients feeling lazy when he rings the doorbell actively use his nickname before letting him in. "SH#$! Do I have to work out today? . . . Okay, come on in. . . Pinche Jaime."

Jaime is a former bodybuilder in his 60s who in his younger years won the title of "Mr. Morelos" (strikingly close to "Mr. Miyagi," read on). He should be able to come up with a workout to get me back into pitching shape. Since he is 20 years older than me and still in good shape, he should also have more insight about getting back into shape at my age than someone younger.

Miyagi: We make sacred pact. I promise teach karate to you, you promise learn. I say, you do, no questions.


Ana and I workout 3 times a week with light weights and isometrics and I traverse the Tepozteco pyramid 2-3 times a week. Over the past 4-5 weeks, I have lost about 10 pounds and even though some of the exercises are a little bizarre they seem to work (lots of funny balancing exercises on one leg - remember the stork from Karate Kid? I do a lot of that -- wax on, wax off!). Balance is key to pitching and developing balance requires strengthening core muscles. Since core muscles are difficult to isolate you have to do some interesting movements to strengthen them. I would recommend this combination for anyone who wants to return to form with one potential barrier -- you may not have that pre-Columbian Xochimilcan ruin in your back yard. Damn! And I was going to write my new self-help exercise book, "Get with the Program! The Ancient Pyramid Baseball Workout." Guess not.

I have to admit, I do feel a lot stronger. I haven't been able to throw over the break with my high school training partner, Ube. In Mexico, there is a mandatory 400 hours of community service for high schoolers that must be completed to graduate. Apparently he put this off and is on about 100 of 400 hours. Sounds more like a work release program to me than community service.

This week we have an "amistoso" or friendly game that doesn't count as a tuneup for the start of the new season (after Easter week). I will get to see whether this conditioning works against a team that has a lot of good hitters. I definitely feel better.