Spring Training -- Wax on, Wax off

Okay. So, where have I been. Career-ending injury? Call up to the bigs to be the next 40 year old rookie? Hahah. Yeah, right. For the last 5 weeks of the season, I needed to work -- i.e., going to the airport to pickup and return guests who have visited us at our culinary vacation hotel, La Villa Bonita (www.lavillabonita.com). We play on Sundays and that is also our dedicated airport day. Although I have been trying to break them of this habit, my kids are pretty accustomed to this funny ritual of eating on a regular basis so working is not optional. The Piratas took a nose dive over those last few weeks of the season and we didn't make the playoffs. I took advantage of the time off to go back to spring training and get in shape.

My wife, Ana, is an up-and-coming culinary personality (see http://tinyurl.com/chefanawarnerbros). She wanted to get back on a regular workout schedule so she hired a trainer from Cuernavaca to come to La Villa Bonita. This trainer has a nickname among his faithful clientele: "Pinche Jaime." Jaime is his real name, but "Pinche" is not. The closest translation in English would be "Goddamn Jaime" because he is very reliable, almost never cancels a date, and arrives on time. There is no avoiding your workout so many of his clients feeling lazy when he rings the doorbell actively use his nickname before letting him in. "SH#$! Do I have to work out today? . . . Okay, come on in. . . Pinche Jaime."

Jaime is a former bodybuilder in his 60s who in his younger years won the title of "Mr. Morelos" (strikingly close to "Mr. Miyagi," read on). He should be able to come up with a workout to get me back into pitching shape. Since he is 20 years older than me and still in good shape, he should also have more insight about getting back into shape at my age than someone younger.

Miyagi: We make sacred pact. I promise teach karate to you, you promise learn. I say, you do, no questions.


Ana and I workout 3 times a week with light weights and isometrics and I traverse the Tepozteco pyramid 2-3 times a week. Over the past 4-5 weeks, I have lost about 10 pounds and even though some of the exercises are a little bizarre they seem to work (lots of funny balancing exercises on one leg - remember the stork from Karate Kid? I do a lot of that -- wax on, wax off!). Balance is key to pitching and developing balance requires strengthening core muscles. Since core muscles are difficult to isolate you have to do some interesting movements to strengthen them. I would recommend this combination for anyone who wants to return to form with one potential barrier -- you may not have that pre-Columbian Xochimilcan ruin in your back yard. Damn! And I was going to write my new self-help exercise book, "Get with the Program! The Ancient Pyramid Baseball Workout." Guess not.

I have to admit, I do feel a lot stronger. I haven't been able to throw over the break with my high school training partner, Ube. In Mexico, there is a mandatory 400 hours of community service for high schoolers that must be completed to graduate. Apparently he put this off and is on about 100 of 400 hours. Sounds more like a work release program to me than community service.

This week we have an "amistoso" or friendly game that doesn't count as a tuneup for the start of the new season (after Easter week). I will get to see whether this conditioning works against a team that has a lot of good hitters. I definitely feel better.

Two Firsts

The Christmas vacation wasn't good for us. First of all, the Piratas are known as a good team that doesn't practice. Other teams practice and try to stay in shape but the Piratas, with the exception of a few, just don't seem to have the time. Most if not all of us have children and real jobs. Everybody loves the game immensely but it is hard to add more time beyond the half day it takes from a family day on Sunday. No one is harboring a secret dream to make it big -- not unless someone secretly got a bootleg copy of "The Rookie." There are a couple of young guys who have some potential and they complain that the old guys are holding the team back. I have to admit, with all of the good intentions in the world, I didn't practice over the Christmas break and neither did my teammates.

I thought I had arrived with plenty of time to the early 9:00 am start but for some reason everything commenced about 15 minutes early. No one really gave me an explanation. I hadn't even thrown one warm up toss. I was just given the ball about 8:45 and told to go at it. "I haven't warmed up at all," I told the catcher. The manager told me to warm up on the mound. Ouch. I think you could hear the creaking in my joints all the way up to the bleachers. Five pitches and down to second base to start the inning. This is great. I hadn't even broken a sweat yet. This was definitely a first for me. I don't think I can recall a game where I didn't warm up even at a younger age when I was "spry and limber." Okay. I have never been "spry and limber" even at a younger age. I will be lucky if I can pick up my arm off the ground after this one is over.

The team we faced was one of the best teams in the league from Cuernavaca. The top teams all have good hitting. They tend to win in massive slugfests. The pitching tends to be spotty. I was told by the catcher that the top 5 batters on this team are very good. I tried to simply put it over the plate and hoped my defense would respond. It almost worked. I got two outs with a couple of ground outs then tragedy struck. Unfortunately my teammates were a little rusty too and what should have been an uneventful inning turned into 3 runs for the other team after a couple of errors and a walk on my part combined with a timely double.

I don't think I ever really got properly warmed up. My manager had me on a 4 inning limit and by about the 4th inning, my arm was still not limber. I couldn't get the snap on the curve ball and my control was spotty. By the 4th, the wheels fell off with an error, a walk and a hit batter. The manager pulled the plug on me and put in a guy that I previously thought was only a coach. I had never seen him play before. He didn't throw very hard and cleared the bases of my runners by giving up a 3 run double as well as adding a few of his own. We are now down 8-1.

My training partner Ube came in afterward and mopped up. Then came the second event that I had never seen before. All of a sudden, there was a flurry of dust in front of the opposing dugout. Two of the players on the same team were pounding the hell out of one another. The umpire didn't seem to know what to do. The umpires do not get a lot of respect in this league so I don't blame him for being a little pensive. Their authority is questioned quite a lot. After a minute or so the fight was stopped by their teammates. The umpire still didn't know what to do so our manager ran out and supplied him with an opportunistic and well-measured response -- throw them out or they forfeit. I had to admit, it was a novel argument that had its merit, especially when you are down 7 runs. The umpire responded that he didn't think there was a rule that prohibited teammates from fighting among themselves. That didn't sound right.

In any event, we lost the argument. Ube gave up a couple of runs and we made a small comeback but it was too little, too late. We lost 10-6. I picked up my arm and went home.